I have been plague by it, the notion of having this in my own body is unthinkable, unimaginable, I was a motivated person back then, but a wreck now.
Tiredness and stress has led me to stop and to procrastinate, instead of working, i lost focus, having stoppage and naps in between work time. In my mind, image of that person kept on flooding into my mind, i could not stop thinking about her, even i told myself not to.
The pain of losing focus on what have to do, the pain of the image kept on popping up in my mind and not able to do anything about it. Mentally unsound, I could just do as much as i can but there are so much else to do.
I am weak, I am a weakling, I do not deserve to live. Yet, i am still here, although i do not deserve it, it is still my right to stand my ground, fighting a losing battle. At least i fought, but without conviction. I think, that is enough.
I wish not to outdo others but to press on, sometimes, I feel alone, but i always knows that there will be light somewhere out there and that the night before dawn is the darkest.
My inner demon, my battle, there will be no reinforcement except from that of my own. My fight, I want to win.
