tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354949072024-03-18T20:44:00.940-07:00My HangarNothing matters anymore, for death is the road to awe.Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.comBlogger330125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-8317314604550891882010-11-06T12:38:00.000-07:002010-11-06T12:39:34.086-07:00DancingI a thinking of an idea, to choreograph a flash mob event for ISD next year. Thriller was pick cos Shaddy was suggesting it. There are other options too.Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-47761181522852922732010-11-06T01:59:00.000-07:002010-11-06T02:56:45.732-07:00Alright, new medication means new things to do:<br /><br />To-do list:<br /><br />1. Learn Fijian and Hindi<br />2. Choreograph ISD 2011 first sem flash mob dance<br />3. brush up on divination<br />4. finish studying political ideas<br />5. Eating<br />6. Do art sketch book<br />7. meditating<br />8. Listening to radioCarrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-13294083677963411002010-11-05T14:32:00.000-07:002010-11-05T14:44:00.098-07:00How to be more optimisticTrying to learn but oh well.... it will just degrade into a rant. It seems that the more you know about the world, the more pessimistic you will get. For example, in response that my friends are trying to open an bubble tea shop, he said, "if I open a factory in Canberra for you, you will be arrested for depleting Canberra's population." So, things I know makes me so pessimistic. Like my friend, who recently went back into the closet is trying to chase after a French girl. Oh wells, people can go back into the closet right? I hope :/ Going on to even more pessimistic stuff, our ex-deputy prime minister is coming to ANU to have a lecture. I am sure that people working in the Cube will be happy visiting him, a world renowned sodomizer. Seriously, Malaysia is seriously famous for its serious case on the serious issue. Now off to the fact that I got dumped and the girl is now with another guy. Great thing that she is happy but at the same time, she is leaving. Quite illogical if you consider the fact that they guy is a player and has been with 3 girls in the pass. but, free game, as I always said. At this age, we are not suppose to make or are capable of making great decision, other than the fact that I am aiming for the MBA in Harvard, just like what my father always tell me, " Son, since i got a harvard master in industry, you need to go for a harvard MBA." Pragmatic, but not always logical. I try to make logic to govern my life, but i am always tooooo sensitive to people. Been hiding for too long, I think i just need to move it out again. <br /><br />Strange <br /><br />Weird <br /><br />Insane,Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-40987830736379236682010-10-27T06:26:00.000-07:002010-10-27T06:29:09.184-07:00So one might ask, what do you want in life. I will be saying:" Dont bother, anything I want will not happen." That is a sad fact of my life. I only get what I need, but not what I want. I want to be strong, not succumbing to my wants, but I always gives in, going through all the piles of crap that I have been. Why is it that I couldn't have a moment that I really wanted? I want to be with a girl, yet, I can't. Why? Maybe it is just me. I do not know what am I doing.Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-44616491626081201902010-10-27T02:56:00.000-07:002010-10-27T02:57:15.627-07:00Canberra so far.I am now in Canberra, the capital of Australia. Stuff happened so far..... too much to talk about. I have so much to say about everything. It is just too bad that I cant really do anything about it.Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-84996465183386349232010-08-01T05:11:00.000-07:002010-08-01T05:27:37.704-07:00Been awhile. <br /><br />There are times that I felt like the phantom of the opera punching the keyboards away in my dungeon but hey, instead of a dungeon, I live in my own fort. At least, a dungeon is included in it. Maybe living alone for too long with absolutely no social interaction has taken its toll. I mean, why the hell did I volunteered, or was volunteered to research for a 35 million research. Good thing is that at least I can say that I have helped, but on the other hand, I sacrificed too much, or too little? In the end, it is just me and I will get what I want. <br /><br />Been living without equals has such a dire effect that somehow, I felt that there is a lack of control in my life. Maybe that is because i could not get along with people my age. Mutual respect, fine phrase. The all important phrase that I could not understand, but, why will someone understand me then. I am bipolar, OCD, MPD. I just could not do it, somehow. Maybe it can be fun to have a crazy one in a group of people but hey, I have my own entertainment value right? No, it is only when it gets too personal that I may be wondering why things are what it is. <br /><br />In my small little world, there is just me. No one is suppose to crossover to the line, but when i cross, I cross too far. Too far in fact which attributes to tons of my screw ups. I had too much screw ups but I do not have the courage to face it. Yes, I am a coward when it comes to principle issues. I fear that my principles could be challenged. Thus, I put in a lot of fake layers into my character. Forging someone that is not me on the outside. Maybe, I dont know who am I really is now. What is me, who is me? That is the utmost important question that I put it in limbo where everyone have theirs when they are 15 years old. Am I just slow?<br /><br />Probably I will just forget what I have promised myself in this blog not far in the future but yar, I suppose that I must change. But into what, subtle, drastic. Looking back to all my post, deep inside, I have not changed a single little bit. I am my same old self. That inferiority complex. Yes. I am still pissed at every thing in life, the only difference is that the anger become sophisticated. and catalogued. I have not changed. Should I change or should i not. To me, things just comes and goes, no ideas, no complicated issues. It is just me, against the world.Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-36684196647774961242010-03-27T08:38:00.000-07:002010-03-27T08:51:34.480-07:00I am a Scout. <br /><br />On my honour, I promise to do my best, to do my duty to God and my country, to always help other people and to keep the Scout Law. <br /><br />As we grow up, our lives becomes increasingly and needlessly complicated. The values stated about has been shunned. Too bad for that person leading a bunch of people who have not seen shit in their lives. Ignorant is not a sin, but not telling someone what they do is not up to par when can do better is. Get what I mean? It is quite sad that a uniform group base on discipline would like to waste time on stuff that is not that essential and they are acting as if their lives depends on it. <br /><br />At least I know that I have done something on the other side. I think it is better for me to go back as there are people asking me to train PSA candidates and here, I am worth shit for nuts. Cabin fever has been setting in and I need that extra push for my stuff. For all my worth, nothing get appreciated. <br /><br />Oh well, you guys knows best. No direction, over emphasis on non-essentials, bloody politikings, among others. I have seen enough, you have not. Please see them.Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-45392637581188762392010-03-20T02:40:00.000-07:002010-03-20T02:52:17.880-07:00Went to the wet market today. Bought Prawns and Squid for the Seafood platter. See a lot of fish there. Eat Seafood platter lunch with Mustard Sauce. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Boring right? That is what best describe my life as of current. While the rest of the population cherishes their holidays, I actually despise it, other than my Metal Gear Solid perfectionist game, I got virtually nothing to do save for Guitar and Golf, GG, I know. The inability to have a readily available car also gives me a lot of troubles. Due to the fact that there are two untouchables (the 2 Mercedes) in my house, the rest of the three is seldom available in the times of needs. My sister drives one (to go out with her boyfriend), My mom's only available after 6pm when she comes back for work and my Dad, always busy with stuff. <br /><br />On the plus side, even though I have nothing to do in this very township, I am quite proud of my "family" Standing at 12 hamsters, I did not expect that I will get this far with my hamsters. I love them, how could something so cute survives in the wild. I think I ought to upload some photos when they grow up a little. Anyway, the original father proves to be a loving parent after I separate the three new born from their mother. In any case, they seems to bond well with the rest, no psychological problems or anything like that that had reduce the previous batch from 8 to 2, I gave away 2 and three died of infighting. This is natural selection I guess. With the original mother with 2 more labours, I guess I need to trade in or give out the rest. <br /><br />Anyway, Guitar have been sucky and golf is still not there yet. Still got 4 more months to labor before I go to Uni. Thank goodness that I have so much time left. <br /><br />Yet, the wait for ANU is plain frustrating, too popular I guess. Worst comes to worst, University of Sydney for me.Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-31151968918918177782010-03-18T09:01:00.000-07:002010-03-18T09:04:38.470-07:00Surprising that how the mighty has fallen that low in 2 years time. Sometimes, I lost my way, but to regain them will be tough. My world view gradually become pessimistic, is it time for me to rise again? I have the capability but is lost at the moment. I think my problem started from being the total isolationist nutjob that is plaging me so far. <br /><br />Anyway, it is just some thoughts.Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-8113611321417062162009-11-02T02:34:00.000-08:002009-11-02T02:53:56.693-08:00On LyingIt has been 2 days since Halloween, which nothing significant had happened. <br /><br />Nothing.<br /><br />Is it immoral to lie? Sometimes I need to lie before revealing something important to someone just because the truth cannot be that easy to stomach. This, I somehow found it unacceptable. Even though my principle is not to lie, the truth is more unbelievable than a simple lie. Somehow, restructuring and toning down certain elements, repackaging the flow of events is always necessary to convey certain message or else no one will believe you. It is a saddening aspect of our current society. <br /><br />First writing in the midst of preparing for my IB exams, I really do not know how to express my frustration. I guess i am going crazy. <br /><br />Back to the lying part, even though i know that it is an overgeneralization of events that I have seen in the past few months, the virtue of honesty has been questionable. If telling the truth will get 10 other person to get screwed, too bad, you are included. Do we need to distrust people so much so that even that they are spewing the truth, we will not be able to trust them. So, if you want to protect something you hold dear, go ahead, expect the other party to do exactly the same. My father always said, "do things that are fair to you and fair to others," strongly agreed to that statement. <br /><br />I am not out to encourage people to lie, but to tell the truth. Admit to your mistake, even you do not get a second chance. The old nordic saying, "It is better to die with honor than to die like a dog," This saying holds true. The concept of honor is slipping from our society. To those reading, uphold justice, and with honor.Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-21242590790550050612009-07-18T02:05:00.000-07:002009-07-18T02:06:19.829-07:00Dear people of the United Kingdom<br /><br />Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, your Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers 50 years of age and older on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).<br /><br />Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).<br /><br />Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the government deems appropriate.<br /><br />Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the government.<br /><br />Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The government has always prided itself in the amount of SHIT it gives out. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your local MP. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />Gordon BrownCarrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-72149536100657254972009-07-05T02:38:00.000-07:002009-07-05T02:39:25.383-07:00Credits: From Saya in the Underworld<br /><br />http://sayainunderworld.blogspot.com/<br /><br />When I stepped out of the tube station, it was raining heavily outside. I opened my umbrella and started walking. But something was wrong. The atmosphere was somehow very unpleasant.<br /><br />Strange.....<br /><br />Every single person I walked past didn't have an umbrella over them. Everyone was silent and looking grim; and they walked on, all facing the same direction.<br /><br />Then suddenly a taxi stopped by, and the driver put out his hand and beckoned me to come over. I gestured to him that I didn't need a taxi, but the taxi-driver said, "Come on, get in!"<br />He was so insistent that I had to give in. Besides I wanted to get away from this unpleasant atmosphere.<br /><br />Later, the driver, pale-faced, said to me;<br />"Well, you know..When I saw you walking as if you were trying to avoid bumping into people on an empty street, I thought I should help you...."Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-23488743913951060922009-07-05T02:30:00.000-07:002009-07-05T02:32:49.634-07:00New DirectionsBased on the facts that nobody really visit my blog, I am going to make it a quasi-personal online text storage space filled with mainly horror stories and tidbits of my life. I would like to become the great Saya chan with her outstanding network of stories. due to the fact that I am about to be free in another 6 month's time, I will only be able to update it at most once per week. If any surviving autobots are out there, we are here.Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-16324590999070628072009-07-04T23:44:00.000-07:002009-07-05T02:29:51.617-07:00The VoidRumor has it that every Halloween during the hours of 2 AM and 5 AM, there exists a void. You must stand in front of a mirror in a pitch black room with your gaze fixated on the mirror. If you remain in the room when the moment arrives, you will feel a chill seize your body. Place your right hand on the mirror and whisper "I accept." If done correctly, in the mirror, there will be a faint image of an infant with no flesh and pitch black eyes. He will stare directly into your soul and you will hear the buzzing of flies and nervous whispering.<br /><br />You will not be able to make out the image in the mirror, but you will be filled with unspeakable terror. The infant will ask you five questions about events that have occurred within your life. His voice will sound like the rubbing of sandpaper on bone and sinew and will be devoid of all human emotion. For each question that you answer incorrectly, one of your five senses will be consumed and lost to you forever. For each question that is answered correctly, you will be able to recite the name of someone you know.<br /><br />That person will be found dead the next morning, with their flesh removed and their eyes missing.Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-44104408879050122392009-03-01T06:26:00.000-08:002009-03-01T06:37:41.545-08:00Okay, here we go, I used to...<br />1. Take Piano lessons. (Until grade 2 i think, loses interest and the 2 bugger at home is like grade 8 now)<br />2. Use to admire Stalin, but now Hitler is more of my type.<br />3. Have hair that go straight up. (Think Sai baba)<br />4. I will speak more with more alcohol in my bloodstream, but will slur 10% after maximum. <br />5. have a fist fight with my brother and sister.<br />6. ask mummy to leave her lipstick's mark on my cheeks with my siblings. (When i was 5, good excuse for everything.)<br />7. cut myself under the lips after performing a feral leap. <br />8. do silly things like building a fort and play war with my brothers.<br />9. Get upset because the dinner have frozen pork or other little gritty like that. <br />10. get pinched by my cousin until I cried.<br />11. And cried before she cried when my god grandma threatened to sew her mouth up.<br />12. sleep with mummy and daddy because I'm afraid of the dark.<br />13. hug and kiss mummy and daddy good night.(And I still hug them a lot.=))<br />14. see mummy and daddy a day in a months.<br />15. think it's rational that mummy and daddy's so busy that they can't come home recently.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />So much more which I don't think you know, I used to...<br />16. collect Gundams and Legos, still planning to do. <br />17. Got dumped by someone 3 years younger. <br />18. Have a blog that no one visits. <br />19. No BFF to backstab...<br />20. have a crush on Faye.<br />21. refuse to dress up for important occasion.<br />22. act and think like a girl.<br />23. celebrate my birthdays until I'm 10.<br />24. slept with girls that i only knew for a few hours.<br />25. Stoning<br /><br /><br />Tags:<br /><br />Not sure who will see this....Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-44060863335674981662009-02-27T02:21:00.001-08:002009-02-27T02:21:06.599-08:00Disorder | Rating<br />Paranoid: High<br />Schizoid: High<br />Schizotypal: Very High<br />Antisocial: High<br />Borderline: Very High<br />Histrionic: Very High<br />Narcissistic: Very High<br />Avoidant: Very High<br />Dependent: Very High<br />Obsessive-Compulsive: HighCarrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-48163479480921899712009-02-23T04:32:00.001-08:002009-02-23T04:32:37.557-08:00What is it like to feel again?Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-76513144307207808922009-02-23T04:31:00.002-08:002009-02-23T04:32:20.017-08:00I need to overcome my emotional barrier....Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-38613006766548191872009-02-23T04:31:00.001-08:002009-02-23T04:31:53.792-08:00I want to cry....Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-66983874875313939712009-01-18T05:51:00.000-08:002009-01-18T05:52:00.995-08:001 The song of songs, which is Solomon's.<br />2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.<br />3 Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee.<br />4 Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee.<br />5 I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon.<br />6 Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother's children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept.<br />7 Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon: for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions?<br />8 If thou know not, O thou fairest among women, go thy way forth by the footsteps of the flock, and feed thy kids beside the shepherds' tents.<br />9 I have compared thee, O my love, to a company of horses in Pharaoh's chariots.<br />10 Thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, thy neck with chains of gold.<br />11 We will make thee borders of gold with studs of silver.<br />12 While the king sitteth at his table, my spikenard sendeth forth the smell thereof.<br />13 A bundle of myrrh is my wellbeloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts.<br />14 My beloved is unto me as a cluster of camphire in the vineyards of Engedi.<br />15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.<br />16 Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green.<br />17 The beams of our house are cedar, and our rafters of fir.Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-74771775956046373112009-01-11T07:20:00.000-08:002009-01-11T07:40:21.680-08:00I have finally finish my IA, now, I am only left with EE, TOK, Chinese WL,among others. I feel tired sometimes but is forced to press on. Too bad for me then. <br /><br />One small joke I have encountered:<br /><br />The JC student ask the IB student :"Have you done you holiday assignments?"<br />The IB student replied :"What holiday?"Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-21027809477466689702009-01-11T07:11:00.000-08:002009-01-11T07:20:42.611-08:00BoomdeyadaaI love the mountain, <br />I love the clear blue sea, <br />I love big bridges, <br />I love when great white fly,<br />I love the whole world,<br />with all its sight and sounds,<br />Boomdeyada, Boomdeyada,<br />Boomdeyada, Boomdeyada.<br /><br />I love casiopeia,<br />I love Orion's belt, <br />I love the bootes, <br />I love when meteors shine,<br />I love the night sky, <br />with all the stars and light<br />Boomdeyada, Boomdeyada,<br />Boomdeyada, Boomdeyada.<br /><br />I love rainforest,<br />I love the milipedes, <br />I love mosquitoes, <br />I love when snakes collide,<br />I love our nature,<br />with all its kiss and bites,<br />Boomdeyada, Boomdeyada,<br />Boomdeyada, Boomdeyada.<br /><br />I love my Scout-U,<br />I love the red beret,<br />I have my compass, <br />I love when campfire burn,<br />I love the boy Scouts,<br />with all its knots and plaids<br />Boomdeyada, Boomdeyada,<br />Boomdeyada, Boomdeyada.Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-30290971041912940522009-01-10T17:55:00.001-08:002009-01-10T17:59:23.519-08:00Weird DreamsYesterday, I have a really weird dream. I dream that i was digging a very long stretch of trench, with no one in sight, i just kept on digging and digging. It is until i collapse, I found myself in a social event where everyone is well dress except for me, still in my military uniform, muddy, and with a shovel. When people inquired that where were I, I just replied, working. throughout the event, I overheard gossips, particularly my friends. The clearer one is that Ke Hao had 9 girlfriends and that my ex had died. Cant remember much but everything seems so real....Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-55104926841522999292009-01-01T03:09:00.000-08:002009-01-01T03:26:14.258-08:00Happy New YearOther than going out with my friend and two girls that until now i could not get hold, their names, my new year's eve is just stargazing and repeat my public lectures to the people. The people here refers to the public. <br /><br />One thing that i have discovered is that the majority of the performer are Malays but i think it is quite good. Looking back, the same people if under different governance can be so much different. My family on the other hand.....same thing as usual, free flow wine and poker all night. I think the only people who didn't drink are my parents as they are more keen to gamble with profits than to gamble with impaired judgment.<br /><br />the difference are just when we try to compare the happenings between two lands. How i miss home. My regrets would be the white wine that i did not drink on the 24th.<br /><br />Tomorrow will be the new school day. The first thing that i will do is not strangle Randi and cut him into strips and force him to eat his own flesh. I need to know what the fuck happened during the briefing because i felt that getting scolded without knowing everything is not appropriate. The next thing would be buying a set of new uniform and lastly settle my books for next year. Of course i will be running away from the teachers of all my subjects or act blur in front of them. I think i will get screwed hard this time round. <br /><br />Anyway, my year's resolution will be to.....ack.....i don't know. Do my best i guess. To think about it, there are nothing much to think about anyway. So i might be taking anthropology, business studies, occult studies, contemporary arts and maybe veterinarian when i finish IB. If worst come to worst, operator in Takaso!Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35494907.post-30912913494420465872008-12-30T06:03:00.000-08:002008-12-30T06:06:08.874-08:00PSA is a damn strange journey. One have to factor in its public opinion. As an unwilling victim, i have to get all the flame when another screws up and all i did was a small mistake. I really need to know what that retard said that night and murder him for good. Or, i can just sit back, relax and enjoy my life. Anne, i know that i might appear that i am not serious in my relationship but, give me a chance, perhaps?Carrefourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11750893567194398746noreply@blogger.com0