On the subject of Pluto

Pluto Gets Downsized

Prague - The international committee of astronomers decided this week
to remove Pluto from the list of planets. A spokesman released this
statement, "We're awfully sorry to have to let Pluto go, but this
restructuring is necessary to move this solar system forward. We've got
to tighten our asteroid belt and make difficult decisions. We've really
enjoyed working with Pluto in the past and wish it no ill will. We look
on this event as a great opportunity to revitalize our system."

Behind the scenes however, things were reportedly more heated. Rumors
abound that Pluto orbited slower than other planets, often appearing
sluggish and possibly intoxicated. Some have reportedly complained
about off color jokes directed at Uranus. Lawsuits by several asteroids
demanding inclusion in the solar system reportedly also motivated the
committee to take a hard line on planet definition. An original plan to
use the world "Pluton" was rejected by their lawyers as demeaning and
discriminatory.

Others have defended Pluto, claiming the decision to downsize was based
on unjust discrimination. One anonymous insider claimed, "It's a new
solar system, and if you're not wearing rings, or you're too small,
you're just not flashy enough for the kids today. Besides, the
committee was always uncomfortable with the attraction between Pluto
and its long-term partner, Charon. It's just prejudice I tell you."

Pluto's press agent released this statement, "While Pluto is saddened
by this turn of events, it's not bitter, rather Pluto looks on this as
an opportunity to explore new and exciting projects."