Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Another Day of the week.

It is just another day in School, just being so sleepy and tired after all the activities and work. Slept during Prep today, sorry for all the typos I have made afterwards as I try to push out another post.

Yesterday I attended the Boarding School Superstar; I realized a lot of stuff that day. I realized that I could sing, break and do other stuff. Most important of all is that I am extremely ticked skinned, I never knew this, but upon the judges, I did the most horrible performance out of all the participation, but can still smile to them while being criticized, despite all that, I gave them a smile back. I felt good though, making me believed in myself even more.

I have taken too much emotional blow since Sec 3, too much is just too much, this includes things like not getting into the Dragon patrol, failing multiple subjects in succession and even Chinese, failing Chief Comm Award hike test by 2.5%, failing C math by 27% and forced into the con camp, making life difficult for everyone in Scouts, fail to set up a union against the dragon, parents arguing, classmates not being supportive, giving me a damn hard time in my life. Despite all these, I took comfort in Canoeing and other CCAs, they really help though, they make my mind clear and confidence to go on.

Now, I just couldn’t stand to watch our Scout troop degrading into just another UYO, the dragons being more secretive as ever, as if the PLs are just another bunch of recruits. We don't know what is going on and all the Dragons will get credits when things go right and blame us when things get awry. When can’t us PLs do anything about it? Even when we try to go for PLC, they will say Dragons only, it is becoming as if an exclusive club or some sort rules Scouts. They said that we are not like other UYOs but indeed; we are just another UYO trying to get gold for UYO awards, that’s all. Angst.angst.angst.angst.angst.angst.angst.angst.angst.angst.

Thanks Jeremy for the comment, that is what I felt now, I felt helpless. I am a Scout who cannot do Scouting; restricted to do anything resembles Scouting. When the Scoutmaster in Malaysia ask me that is there anything that they can improve on by learning from my troop in Singapore, I said, nothing, nothing at all, your troop is doing fine, I felt embarrassed somewhat, as I am suppose to bear gift from the more advance form of Scouting, what I got is nothing, just sitting there, doing nothing at all...

I believed that planning for Scouts meeting can improve yourself, but the Dragons selfishly kept that to themselves, what form of training can we PLs do, when there is nothing to train from. Our standard will just be there forever. I wanted to quit Scouts actually, but the passion will never die. I hope the new generation will realize that, sometimes, doing shitwork can improve your character, like that incident in LDP. Hope and anticipation is just so limited, you can only hope for so long...



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