Saturday, October 04, 2008

With the Prem Binister calling for more youths to get married and have babies, and even giving pak tor tips some more, the Gahmen has decided to make dating an issue of national security.

And to tackle this, they are merging the Internal Security Department (ISD) and the Social Development Unit (SDU). The ISD and SDU will form a single entity, the ISDU (Investigation of Singapore Dating Unit), and it is hoped that the ISD's surveillance expertise will help the SDU locate the loves of Singaporeans' lives faster.

"It's not the most obvious match, we know," said Mr. Too Geh Der, the Minister of Mergers and Consolidation. "But when you really look at the two of them, it makes complete sense."

"The depleting population and manpower shortage are now probably the biggest threat to Singapore's internal security," said Mr. Too. "So we think these two departments should team up to tackle the issue."

Trial runs of the joint operation and management of the ISDU have already begun.

"As with most arranged marriages, there are some teething problems," said ISDU spokesperson Ms. Khee Pak Tor. "But we have every confidence that like many arranged marriages, things will settle down eventually."

Apparently, SDU staff had initially complained that ISD staff were standoffish.

"When I first met them, at a getting-to-know-you cruise to nowhere," said SDU officer Miss Boh Lang Ai. "I thought they were all a bunch of cold fish."

"But then I got to know them better, and found it had nothing to do with their personalities," Ms. Boh continued. "Their coldness was just a work habit. All those air-con treatments, lah."

In fact, the SDU staff have very much warmed up to their air-conditioned counterparts.

"They're very observant, and they are good photographers," noted SDU officer Miss Chin Pai Kuah. "And really good listeners. They knew so much about my habits that I thought they had a file on me, but of course they said it's not true!"

Miss Boh agreed. "At first I had my reservations about the merger, but then I saw the light. Admittedly, it was being shone into my face, but you know, whatever."

ISD officers declined to be interviewed, but issued this statement to the press: "We believe that partnership with the SDU fits in very much with our strategic aims. Both of us deal in wallflowers - the SDU tries to find dates for wallflowers, while we plant flowers on the wall with bugs in them to listen in on people."

There are, however, those who are more skeptical about the ability of our secret agents to help find the loves of people's lives.

Said a SDU member who did not wish to be named, "Find the love of my life for me? Piang, find a pai kah terrorist also cannot!"


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