Thursday, February 14, 2008

Issues

I think I am the one who is having issues.

A few weird happenings occurred today.

First of all,(this part is censored.)

On a second thought, I think it is better to live. *censored* also, *censored* No one seems to bother because the plan is too detailed to be true for a *censored*. Oh well, now everyone noticed him. *censored*. Why couldn’t *censored* what I do. Maybe because *censored* not as busy with things as me. I don’t know.

I wish to.

So, in the end, he goes down with a splat. Splat. Splat. Splat.

For me, I think cutting my wrist is a better option, until the problem of my instinct taking over bandaging myself in the utmost efficient manner, with a certain HQ style going with it. Like your prata with Onions plus the fish head curry. I tried pills, but could not because my natural defenses will also take over and purge everything out, like how the inquisition purge all the heretics, not becoming the one beside my ward when I was sent to the hospital, attempted suicide with herbicide ends up regicide (doctor) with a certain er ….. sorry limited vocabulary, could not think of any –cides to back the rhyme up.

Anyway, suicide although is not an option, is an option to some. (Spot the juxtaposition)

So, what is inside me that is troubling me from times to times? Home sickness may be the best option but no ones seems to notice, even myself. From the outside, I am fiercely independent, courteous, survivalist. I think I do not have a solid foundation. The mental foundation I mean. I know it is delusional but I think my reasoning skills is not leet enough, thus the lamentation, an elegy, sound damn I allergy. Of course, I am allergic to bullshit, which apparently describe standing on the water because he believes in some pseudo voice in the head or something. I believe in the voices, but his name is the god-emperor of mankind and I started imagining myself as Lupercal or something like that. (Hey, that is a good Scout name. I should persuade Azmi for it).

I am emo, right? Maybe (I like the word), like hamlet. History’s first emo procrastinator. I am always moody and such. I am sad, really, deep inside. Should I go out and find myself a companion? I should, that is what I think. “I think we will just be friends” part I will elaborate later. I failed for a grand total of 4 times. That is not that bad when compared to the pig in the monkey king series, remember the adventures of Tang Three Organ and friends. They have companionship I think, the limitation is only the monk who is apparently the soft spoken leader and sissy of the story while the stupid monkey goes around pwning everyone (Demons) in sight. I hate therefore I am, emo kid. Some say that I am goth cos I listen to heavy metal and other things associated with that. But not everyone is goth. I think the most goth person is the one I met in the bus stop in Orchard. He fits every single fucking category of a goth, just too bad that he has flabby abs, or else he should not show any obscene part of his body around. Like David Tan, throwing his weight around, but I should not elaborate on that or else he screws up the unit camp….wait…..he always screws up camps. Thank goodness I am not reliant on that camp for my Venture Standard. Too bad for Ronald and Ke Hao, press on. Jia Ren too, cos anyone going for Venture Cord with me is so going to starve and tortured for I am sad.

Sadist, I mean. How sadist is me then? BDSM? No, nothing sick. Just like to throw my weight around but not as much as David does. Just that no one likes my grin or smile during Scout meeting. It is a sure sign of Ka Foo is up to no good, so mischievous am I. Sometimes, I think that I am so much of myself, yet so little I can do with it. I am good only in written form. The though of presenting this to my teacher will er….sucks hard. I like the spontaneous of this article cos it is. Slang word and shit like that. How am I sadist though? Putting pigeon inside the fridge, picking on random teacher, torture little kids, let the health club members suffer more. In the end, I was labeled the extremist , the one going for the kicks. It is like drugs, heroin, codeine, ecstasy, marijuana, LSD, and other stuff like that. In the end, it is only myself, I am selfish, I am self-centered, the world only have Ka Foo. Everything else is worthless, I am god, everyone else worships me.

The year 7s are weird. Miss Yeo and Miss Wu, they have been through what we have go through but still, they are weird, there is not much spontaneous going on. Not like Ferdinal Quek that we used to love and whatever you want to describe. Oh ya, speaking of year 7, I still have not send an SMS to Jennifer Choi, my longtime admirer, the one beyond Vanessa, the red herring that I have successful did my job, also causing a big hoo-hah among the gods. They are, really. The god said to his children, Ka Foo is a stalker of the ex-vice president of student council. I personally enjoy it, really, the sick enjoyment that I felt. It scares me sometime, how I like to be on the limelight. Maybe I do not have the normal guilty-conscience that everyone is talking about. I am I, I am Ka Foo. To be or not to be, I will decide. It is not up to anyone else, even myself. I am self contradictory, but, who cares anyway. My mind is a mess, when the mess is unkempt, it is too bad am I will just
STFU.

My confidence level is sometime present and absent. They flow like cell membrane, only allowing particles which is small, no charge and soluble to lipids to pass through. It is known to me that my confidence level is inverse proportionate to the people present. So I work best when left alone. Maybe it is the cause of the problem. Sometimes I am shameless and sometimes not. 1206 words now…..hey, I can complete my EE in just 2 hours. Anyway, back to the topic of whatever it is, yes, sometimes it is better for me not to speak but sometimes my tip can move earth and shook heaven. How to be critical, I don’t know, I am just year 5 after all. Not a P.H.D from Oxford studying philosophy, which I wish, or an artist who traveled around the world who ate only greens. The HAHA in me is present only here and then. I think that the more tired I am, the more people skill I have, I cant really speak with a clear mind, I may be weird but, well, a clouded mind clouds your judgment (duh), and I will go trigger happy. Like the three kings and the star (Orion belt and Sirius), great star, but incomparable to the sword and the light with minus magnitude. What is with absolute magnitude and apparent magnitude anyway, are they not just magnitudes?

Anyway, I think what other suggest are just what they have been through. Each and everyone of them unique and with some similarity, we are made unique because of the millions of base pair we have in our veins, literally.

Haha. Splat. Die liao.

Coming back to the subject of the bird and the bees. I was rejected today by Petrina, let just be friends, she said. Normal People will cry and shout for whatever gods they worship, god, allah, odin, Buddha, baba, father Christmas etc. For me is just a smile and the problem is that I really mean it. Oh ya, the reason is that parents doesn’t allow. What year is it man? Why, a little girl cannot have a big man for protection? I promise I wont bite. Think of it, we have person who have love bite all over (points at a certain mentally challenge rugger), I think he is special, or rather he thinks so, demands that everyone treats him specially, in the mental way of course. There are people who thinks themselves as kings with all the riches but all the rich man do not open their mouths, scared of the gold teeth dropping out. I was not stunt nor surprise and even tried to change the subject, it is weird, who is writing the live letter? Her? Just to confirm. Ka Foo made two turk’s head bracelet for Petrina, Ka Foo wrote a specially design card, from the cards in the far corner of the classroom, designed with a steam punk and sci-fi setting of cupid the absolute desolater of love, I mean bringing of peace. He also wrote the word love behind in an elaborated manner. Hey, he also wrote his feeling down. (toward subject P) Then he asked whether she found his metal ruler that is left in her place ages ago. He is a weird boy, I shouldn’t go out with weird people.

“I think we will just be friends” “My parents will not allow me to have boyfriends.”

It is no turning point of my life. I want everything. I cannot afford to lose out. 3Gs, Girls, Grade, Gold. My aim, for the two years in the IByss of course. Losing out is not an option.

I think I have just solve all my problem with a simple article, do you need me to elaborate further? Essentially a TOK essay, mind you that ryan lim has contacted me and bends on taking the world my touching small children. Heed my warnings. But, who cares anyway, I can be better than that person. Comparing to other people again huh? My foil, my flaw. Like the old Beowulf and his lust, I am none other than the infamous Lupercal.

Lets close with a prayer shall we?

Almighty Immortal God Emperor, Let us be clean from the unbeliever’s original sin, cleanse our body with fire and steel of your sacred machanicus vault, purify our soul with the essence of the Primachs and their angels. Save us from the evil chaos magic that makes man walk on water, let man say that he is king, fooling mortals that he has died and arisen. God-Emperor, we know that all of this is not true. For we know that in each star that is present in the sky, there is an astartes to protect us from that Chaos magic. Your angels, let them strike down every one of the chaos follower which deny you of your rightful place, like all heretics, they will be strike on crosses and hulls, they will be burn, they will be cleanse for the sins of betraying you. O, holy one, your blessing is seen with the suffering we go through, for when the road is easy, the destination is worthless. It is through hardship and suffering that we will strife, it is through conflict and battles that we will advance, and through sadness we will find joy of serving you, my lord, my master, my savior. Bless them, like the Primach Lupercal that you refuse to strike down until the very last moment, bless them O, Lord, have mercy on their soul when they come to your side, make them know that you are the true master, not men who use necromancy to raise dead, or live again. Show them the light, be gentle to them, mercy bless them, for we will not, they are heretics, traitors, pawns in liege with the chaos gods. They may only appear as one, but the forces of chaos undivided is strong, against all gods, we will strive and achieve glory for you glory name.
In the name of the immortal God-Emperor we pray thee, thy praise your resident in the most holy of planets, Holy Terra.
Amen




I am delusional. Pseudo religious and weird. Children of the warp, fear me not, for there are still hope, for he will rain blessing and mercy upon thee.

Out of point! This is outrageous of me. Sorry, that is just some religious blabbers that I have learnt. Anyway, the motivation I have now lies in Valhalla, for we will be carried by the infamous sleipnir, the eight legged horse across the rainbow bridge.

Until Ragnarok.


Author’s note: The article above is based on fiction and is intended to be a parody of his miserable life, lets break the language barrier and the fourth wall, for life is hard, it is a battle. Life with it. Feel like killing myself again? No, I will not as long as I don’t get that depression thingy again. Or else, everything will be just fine.

Issues? No more for the moment, thus, no churches, no counselors unless it is compulsory. People act like there is a god, but there is none save for some. There will not only be one. There are much more. More reason, more questions, more answer. If there is only one religion in the world, that will suck, big time.

It is the time to reflect, not to give. Are you really heeding his words? Think about it. Is it perceived or is it received. It is all in the head. It is all in the head.

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